Top 10 signs you may be UNCOOL

Top 10 signs you may be UNCOOL

Girlfriends, significant others and plus ones, we like to think of ourselves as fun, relaxed, easy going, no-fuss partners. We strive to be the cool bird– you know encouraging boys’ nights out, tagging along only occasionally– going pint for pint enough to be a good sport, but not so much as to be clingy or laddish, cheering on the side and talking the off-side rule with confidence (which face it boys, is hardly the rocket science you make it out to be) and perfecting the tricky art of invisible make-up.  Because no man likes a trussed-up dolly bird, preferring us all to be ‘au natural’. (Sure they do. If only they knew.) Ah… the throes of youth when we have the time to calculate and maximise our behaviour-to-coolness ratio....

TRUMP WINS! I’m headed to Iceland.

TRUMP WINS! I’m headed to Iceland.

I went into a Lidl once. Call it curiosity, boredom, or just fancied seeing what all the fuss was about. Live life on the edge, that’s me. I meandered down a few haphazardly stacked rows of ‘Wellogs’ Corn Flakes*, ‘Feinz’ Ketchup* and ‘Balkers’ crisps* before turning on my heal and hot footing it to the nearest Sainsbury’s. True story. Something about it felt like a post-Soviet era grocers. Snobby, out of touch and elitist? You bet. What can I say? I’m a sucker for branding. This occasionally jars with The Man, who suffers sporadic episodes of RAUF– Random Acts of Unexplained Frugality. This means the odd purchase of generic Paracetomol or ”brufin’ as he calls it, finds its way into the...

Why James O’Brien is wrong….Sigh….

Why James O’Brien is wrong….Sigh….

I listen to talk radio. Daytime talk radio. Doing dishes, folding laundry, packing kids’ sports kit (football boots or trainers? Shorts or joggers? Shin pads, gumsheild, check, check) and ok fine, sipping a post-school run cuppa and perusing Mail Online’s Sidebar of Shame. Oh heavens no, I don’t actually phone in… much. In any case, LBC is my poison, what I like to think of as the cerebral alternative to daytime telly. (There is little more humiliating than the white van man catching you in flagrante glued to Homes under the Hammer eager for how much the modernised semi in Swinton fetched.) I’ve outed myself, haven’t I? Moving on. Yesterday, during James O’Brien’s program one of the hot topics was Brexit. Yes....

September start-line

September start-line

And they’re OFF! Visa is first off the block with shoes and piano lessons, but coming in fast is Paypal with swim class, footie fees and a spanking new book bag. Bringing up the rear’s Mastercard with name tags, pencils and multi-coloured Sharpie bonus pack (ever so handy in a pinch when said name tags are perpetually lost in the post), but as they round the bend it’s AmEx overtaking from the outside with karate club, violin and rugby. It’s a photo finish…. and.. and… AmEx TAKES IT it by a school uniform! Sound familiar? If January is when we all feel the poorest, September runs a close second for most eye-wateringly expensive month of the calendar– start of school compounded by that last minute package holiday in...

The not-so final word

The not-so final word

OOPS. That’s gonna leave a mark. That darned referendum has a lot to answer for. You know the one we gave little more than a passing fancy not even a year ago, offered lip service to but which nobody was meant to take seriously as anything other than political balderdash?? Seems a few of us missed the memo. PEOPLE.  WHAT THE?? You don’t cash in your bargaining chip. You hold onto it, leverage it, wield it like the SNP. (Nevermind the politics Sturgeon, love your style. Totally brill. Can we have you down here?) Bygones. Forevermore (well, the next few months anyway) across Zones 1 and 2 the air will stir with the low hum of London luvvies comparing planning applications and square footage of their soon-to-be compounds in the Dordogne. Cheers for that....

The Mourning Protocol

The Mourning Protocol

It’s been a funny year so far, (no, not funny ha ha), the world losing an eerily high number of influential and dare I say iconic entertainers. Whilst all are unfortunate and many untimely, I can’t say I’ve been personally compelled to express any sort of remorse into cyberspace. No, none have affected me as the death of the artist formerly known as The Artist Formerly Known as Prince. Ah yes, Prince died this week. (that’s me, finger-on- the-pulse. You’re welcome. Eat your heart out TMZ.) This is sad, shocking and in no uncertain terms a bit of a bummer. No, I’m not weeping in my Wheaties, but still it’s worthy of a word. Upon hearing the news there I was, with the rest of the world straight to my antique iPhone 4, quick...